Don't make out with my wife yet
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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