Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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