Where did you get a picture of my penis
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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