There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize