Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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