i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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