): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
