I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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