just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
