Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
