I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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