My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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