Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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