my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
