his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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