Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
