Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
