no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
