so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
