I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
a search helicopter?!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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