White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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