I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
my liver is dry heaving
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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