So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
