How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
