Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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