She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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