So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
