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Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
