please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
