i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
