We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
