Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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