clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
