You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
