my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
