you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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