just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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