i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My bed smells like the plague
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
there is glitter all over my balls
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
