Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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