Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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