i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
