We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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