I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
