I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
