there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
