he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
