bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
