Screwed.edu
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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