PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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