I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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