Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
