farters have to be the big spoon...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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