So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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