God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
