So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
