Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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