Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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