Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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