So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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