there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
