just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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