I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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