The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
