She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
