it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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