FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
