I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
