How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize