Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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