I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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