There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize