ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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